What if …

As I walk around the house doing my exercise laps with my walker, I suddenly ask myself this question: What if I just stopped having expectations of other people altogether?

How did I come to this? Well, this question was once again preceded by a period in which I had initiated things—for example, making contact and sending greetings—and in some cases received no response, or only after a very long time. That disappointed me, and in some cases, it even hurt me. And so, I tried to explore what was actually behind my disappointment.
Why am I disappointed and hurt when others don’t respond to my efforts? The answer that came to me was: expectations. I do something and then expect a certain reaction from the other person. I tell the other person something and then expect their feedback to meet my expectations and for them to remember all the details of my story during our next conversation. I’m in distress and expect the other person to ask how I’m doing. The other person makes a decision, and I’m disappointed because they made the decision without first consulting me—even though I know them so well. This list could go on forever.
At the end of the day, my expectations always lead to disappointment whenever the response isn’t what I expected.

But what good does that do me? A lot of pain, a lot of anger, and in some cases even tears. That’s why I asked myself this question: What would happen if I stopped having certain expectations of other people? The answer to this question gives me a sense of liberation. Because: When I do things—like sending greetings, for example—without attaching any expectations to them, I simply cannot be disappointed. If the other person doesn’t respond to my message or email, I’m not disappointed because I didn’t expect them to do so in the first place. If they do respond, I’m simply happy about it.

Too complicated? Well, then just give it a try. The next time you find yourself disappointed by someone’s lack of response, ask yourself if you might have had an expectation of them that, for whatever reason, they didn’t want to or couldn’t fulfill at that moment. And then take a step back, take a deep breath, and let go of that expectation. You are worth this freedom!